A Prayer

Abba Father,

If this is Yours, I trust that by Your love and sovereign grace, You will make something beautiful from this mess. If this is not Yours but merely a work of our own flesh or a trap of the enemy, You have all the rights and full authority to destroy and take this from us. Grant us Your peace to accept Your will then.

And when I say Amen, I say to mean it that I submit to Your perfect will. Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. In the mighty and victorious name of Jesus Christ, my King and Redeemer, I pray.

Amen.

Twenty Eight

About three years ago, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. It was only a simple act—no tear-jerking drama, no boldly-stated altar calls. I was only a mere “Yes” to the question, “Do you accept Jesus Christ to be your personal Lord and Savior?” I was merely saying what I believed in, which I believed, at that time, was the same.

But from that time on until now, Jesus Christ has been so gracious in bringing me people and circumstances that altogether drew and continues to draw me closer to Him. In the course of time, I was able to attend Bible study sessions, prayer meetings, and worship services. In no time, He allowed me to meet people who greatly shaped me according to His perfect will and purpose. By His prodding, I opened my Roman Catholic Bible, the one with Deuterocanonicals, and in the verse of John 14:6, I discovered that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one comes to the Father except through Him. (It was only through His amazing work in me that I can say that I found Jesus and became a born-again Christian in a Roman Catholic Bible!) And in the turn of events, I was able to pray the sinner’s prayer.

Such was His faithfulness in my life that when I look back, I can only open my mouth in praise and wonder at how great my Savior is, that He even designed circumstances and events even way before I accepted Him!

Three years have passed and I am still in awe and much more in love with Jesus. Three years ago, I only called Him as my Lord and Savior. But now, He is my strength, my deliverer, my refuge, and my defender. He is the rock where I can be safe, the stronghold of my salvation. He is my King, my First and Perfect Love. He is my Wonderful Counselor, Sovereign Lord, Awesome Healer, and best friend. He is my all in all!

Such are His amazing gifts to a sinner like me. If it were based on my past, or the things that I do, I know that I am not worth any of these. Even the supposedly good deeds I did cannot reach the perfect standard of my King. But you see, that is why it is called amazing grace because it is given even if undeserved.

And because He loves me so much and His grace is evident every morning, I decided to live my life holy and set-apart for Him in thanksgiving to what He did and is continuing to do for me. I aimed to do good deeds, not to save myself because He already finished that for me, but to thank Him for His grace. In response to His love, I made the conscious decision to die to myself and totally surrender my life to Him.

But it does not mean that I have become perfect. No, I am far from being one. In fact, for the three years that I have become a Christian, I can only say that God is not finished with me yet. I am a work in progress under Christ’s grace.

Yes, I am now 28 years and 20 days old, to be exact. And the best thing that I learned for the past years that I have been in Christ’s grace is the fact that this act of dying to myself and totally surrendering all my rights to Him is not a one-time-only occurrence; instead, it should be done on a daily, minute-by-minute basis.

Created To Be Like God

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self,

 which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds,

and to put on the new self created to be like God

in true righteousness and holiness." ~Ephesians 4:22-24

Saturday morning I found myself kneeling before the Father for only God knows how long, tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably and incomprehensible songs of psalms and prayers of pleading quivering loudly in my mouth.

I was being persecuted for my faith and I was hurt by the insults thrown at me. My whole sense of being was shouting a violation of my human rights and I felt betrayed by my own blood. Also, I was plagued with a deep sense of remorse at the earlier motive of my heart. I was hurt and confused and the only thing I knew, by the leading of the Holy Spirit, was to fall on my knees and call upon the Lord.

In times of persecution, it is so tempting to retaliate. With all their hurtful words and physical attempts to hurt me, it was so easy to hate those who persecuted me. It was so easy to plot revenge and to give them the cold treatment like they never existed. But by His grace, in the reflection I made later that day, the Father’s Spirit reminded me that first and most important of all, I was created to be like God.

Created to be like God—this tugged at my heart. It dawned on me that even before I was born, God has anointed a wonderful purpose for my life and that is, to be like Him, to reflect Jesus.

Earlier last week, I was blessed to have been able to read a summarized biography of two great Christian women, Esther Ahn Kim and Betsy ten Boom. This time, I will focus on the story of the latter.

Betsy, together with her sister Corrie, was cramped in a concentration camp by the Nazis during the Holocaust in a flea-infested cell. It was told that in one of her days that she was weak and sick, one of the guards lashed out strongly a whip at her chest for being slow at her work. Her sister, Corrie, undignified by this act, rushed to hurt the guard for her but before anyone can notice Corrie’s violent reaction, Betsy stopped her. Corrie winced upon seeing the gush of blood oozing from the wound in her chest but Betsy serenely told her, “Don’t look at it, Corrie. Look at Jesus only.”

Look at Jesus only, this is how you can become like Me—this is what the Father is telling me, amidst the hurt and the confusion. Look at Jesus hanging on the Cross, fully knowing His imminent death at the hands of His persecutors, still having the compassion to pray to the Father for forgiveness to those who have insulted, mocked, whipped, spitted at, and crucified Him. Look at Jesus, who with so much compassion and love in His eyes, told the adulterous woman that He does not condemn her either and gently told her to go and stop sinning. Look at Jesus, who, despite knowing my sins and shortcomings, chose to woo and pursue me with His perfect love and made me a dwelling place of His Holy Spirit. Look at Jesus—His obedience, His humility, His Great Love, His Perfect Sacrifice for all of us, His Mercy, His Grace.

Even before the creation of the Earth, the Father has already designed a blueprint for my life. He already envisioned me to be like Him. But sin corrupted me and separated me from the Father. His purpose of creating me to be like Him diminished but not for long. Because this purpose materialized by the death and resurrection of His Only Son, Jesus Christ, who came in obedience and humility, to save us from sin. And because Jesus already defeated sin and I am now clothed with the Holy Spirit, I can now access the grace to be like God. And I can do that not in my own strength and righteousness, but by the grace of Jesus.

And so in all circumstances, I choose to look at Jesus only. For this is the Father’s ultimate purpose for me.

Even If He Does Not

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hands, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." ~Daniel 3:17-18

            There I was, garbed in my attempt to meet the standards of the requisite corporate attire as told to me before the interview, sitting in front of four distinguished lawyer-directors in that side of government. The conversation went well; my confidence level and positivity were up to the highest ante, my confidence in my self quite high. Everything went well except for one bluff that I uttered, triggering a series of difficult questions in the process. I did promise myself that whatever happens, I will never use any bluffing statement but there I was, speaking those words even before I could properly think.

            Though I made quite a blunder, the interviewees were quite kind. But my heart was already heavy with remorse, frustration, depression, and disappointment. How could I have done that? How could I have committed such serious mistakes in one of the most important interviews in my life?

            The typical defeated me cried, complained, and sulked. I was hot-headed, hating myself and hating the world even more. I questioned my King. How could have He just abandoned me like that? I felt sad and hopeless and my sinful stubborn self wanted to wallow in self-pity. 

            But my Lord is faithful even if, at times, I am not. I know that as a Christian, I should have taken a more pro-active role in combating sin and the temptation to sin. I am just extremely thankful that I can rely on my King to save me in the most distressful moments.

            Through a book and a friend, God rebuked my initial reaction and reminded me of who I was not and who He really is.

I am not perfect. I am bound to fail. I am not worthy. I am a sinner. Given the circumstances, I cannot do anything to make myself in a better position. But He is my Lord and King. He saves. He redeems. He is sovereign and in control of all things. His love is everlasting and He has my best interests in His big heart. He is the only One who can transform the most depressing situation to a beautiful one.

But even if He does not, who am I to protest? Does the creation have the right to question her Creator? Weren’t there too many times that He did not give me what I wanted, instead He gave me His best plan and everything went well? Weren’t there a lot of times that He humbled me down with His plans, as if to tell me, My child, My thoughts are not your thoughts; My ways not your ways?

So, I remember. I remember the time that He almost ruined (based on my own worldly standards) my plans of having a smooth, hassle-free, and luxurious pre-Bar review by bringing in the circumstance of my mom’s brain aneurysm a day after my graduation. I spent almost a month living, eating, drinking, and inhaling the intensive care unit (ICU) of the hospital. But He was always there—providing, comforting, gently loving. And everything went well. My mom is, by His grace, back to her normal lifestyle, working in her current job.

I remember those tough times at my non-airconditioned dormitory during the pre-Bar review, with all its inconveniences. But I was contented because He was always there, His new mercies abounding every morning. I remember the fact that I did not have much time to focus and study during my Pre-Bar review but He delivered me during the four Sundays of the Bar Exams. Most of all, He allowed me to pass, despite the slim chance I had, considering my circumstances by human standards.

I remember. And I resolve. I remember more and I resolve harder. I resolve to praise my King in times of abundance and want, sickness and health, successes and failures. I resolve to praise and honor Him even if He does not do what I expect Him to.

My favorite Bible story of all times since I became a Christian and gave my life to Jesus Christ is found in the Old Testament account of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego—all friends of Daniel—defying the King’s orders to bow down to another god and standing firm to their faith to the one true God. Sure, there are similar stories recorded in the Bible when it comes to defending the faith, but what sets this story apart for me is what the three friends said: But even if He does not…we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.

The three friends were fully aware of who their God is and what He is capable of doing. They knew fully well that their God can save them from the fiery furnace. They knew and they believed that God is able to deliver them from harm and keep His promises. But even if God did not, they had so much peace in their hearts to honor and please Him even in their last breaths.

So I pray that by His Spirit within me, my Savior and King—Jesus Christ—will enable me to be just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I confidently hope and pray that by His sustaining grace, I will continue to honor Him and please Him with everything that I do, say, feel, or act, whatever circumstances I am in.

And I rejoice because I know that I have a great King whom I can trust.

             

           

Lost

Yesterday was a mess. My human heart, deceitful as it is, caused me to feel a turmoil of emotions: rage,  hatred, insecurity, hurt, abandonment, and betrayal. I was defensive and guilty. I trusted my human emotions more than my God. And it was a big mistake.

Today, I am suffering the consequences. I am lost. I do not know what to do anymore. I have lost trust and confidence in people I used to trust and confide to. I am lost in my emotions, lost in my human self. But I know that the Lord has a reason for this. I know He is waiting for me to come to Him and show me the way. And though my heart is heavy and burdened, I choose to come to Him still. I know I have hurt Him and have denied Him of what was rightfully His (my trust, that is). I know I have disappointed my Lord for being so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires. I know I have sinned. But I still choose to come to Him, despite this nagging thought in my mind telling me I am no longer worthy of His presence for what I have done. I have sinned but the Lord is still waiting to welcome me back in His arms again.
 
"When the mask of self-righteousness has been torn from us and we stand stripped of all our accustomed defenses, we are candidates for God's generous grace." -E.W. Lutzer 


The quote above is from a friend's status in Facebook when I decided to go online this morning. And I know that the Lord wants to remind me with this. I may feel unworthy due to the accusations of the enemy but I am assured of Jesus Christ's sweet defense. Yes, He who died for me and my sins, and who was resurrected on the third day, is my defender. His blood and His perfect sacrifice cover all my sins--past, present, and future. I am worthy not because of my own righteousness but because of God's infinite grace. I now wear the righteousness of my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I am lost by human standards. But the King of all kings, Lord of all lords, God of all gods, has already found me. And nothing, not even the enemy, can separate me from His great love. 

Praise Him…at all times

I will declare Your name to my brothers;

in the congregation I will praise You. ~Psalm 22:22

Yes. Right after writing my previous entry, I had this prompting to sincerely mean a prayer in my heart for a heart of thanksgiving and praise, no matter what the circumstances are. By His grace, I prayed that my heart will have nothing but praise and thanksgiving to the Lord, all the days of my life, all the times of these days.

For everything that comes to me happens by grace and my every response to it should be by faith in Jesus, it is only logical that I should be thanking and praising Him all the time. Because, indeed, by Jesus’ righteousness (not mine), I have been made and given better than I deserve. I read Psalm 22 and was completely moved by Jesus’ response: He was already beaten down and mocked in the cross, deserted by the Father to pay for human sin, yet, human as He was, He never lost His trust and praise for the Father.

You see, this is quite a challenge for me. Before I knew Christ and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior, I had always been a pessimist. I still am. But it is amazing to see God’s workmanship transforming me to be a reflector of His Son in His own perfect time!

The day I prayed this prayer, something bad happened. I was already aboard a public tricycle when I realized that I lost my coin purse. Actually, there was not much in it—just some bills and loose change but for all I cared, it was my hard-earned money. And now that I am working, every single peso counts. Besides, for a young professional like me who is still new in the business, that amount of money could have bought me a decent lunch.

I really thought that I only left it in the office but after going back, carefully searching the office, and trying to retrieve my steps for what seemed like a decade, I found nothing.

By His grace and provision, I was able to pay the driver my dues and arrive home safely. But the truth remains: my coin purse, containing my hard-earned money, was lost. I could have dropped it somewhere. I could have carelessly left in some place. Someone could have stolen it when I left the office unlocked for a very short while. Someone could have picked it up from me, without my knowledge. Nobody really knows.

Knowing myself, I knew that I could have thrown in my tantrums, hate the world, and once again, question God. I did have my emotional tantrums with my friend and prayer partner but never did I blame or question God. It was really amazing. I know it was not me; it was the Holy Spirit working in my heart. I had this sweet and calming peace, knowing that everything happens for a reason—not just anybody’s reason, but God’s.

It was most fulfilling to hear my heart and mind silently pray for whoever could have stolen or found it. I prayed that he or she would use the money wisely. I prayed that by the Father’s grace and perfect will, whoever that person is, he or she will come to have the true knowledge and sincere acceptance of Christ’s death and resurrection, and His Lordship over our lives. It is nice to know that I now have someone to pray for and if this someone has not yet accepted Jesus, then, it is a privilege to pray for him or her. It is even nicer to think that Lordwilling, this person will be an addition to God’s adopted children through Jesus. Oh, how the heavens will sing and rejoice for his or her soul!

And I am totally in awe at how God is working in my heart. I didn’t quite expect that He will already give me a challenge the day I prayed for a heart full of thanksgiving and praise, whatever the circumstances. And what’s more, He did not just give me a challenge; He equipped me to conquer such challenge. He really knows best. And I am just amazed.

Thank you, Jesus! You are awesome!  

By faith

“By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong.

It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has given

this complete healing to him, as you can all see.” ~Acts 3:16

Every circumstance in my life—happy or sad, a source to rejoice or a source of rejection, a challenge or a problem, discouragements or encouragements, constructive criticisms or negative ones—comes from God, in accordance to His perfect plan and grand design. And every response I should have to each of these should be by faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I was reminded of this wonderful truth during one of my morning devotions. The night before, I was freaking out with how things are happening in my life. I was reminded with my physical ailment and it made me worry some more. I was complaining to my Lord. I was indignant, disappointed and was full of resentment. I questioned His will. I was crying because of my failures and was crying even more because of my audacity to blame my God.

But by His grace, I was able to overcome my weakness. Indeed, I am weak but my Lord is strong, most powerful in all the earth. In the midst of all the tears and heart pains, His Spirit within me moved me to pray and show to me any hidden fault or willful sin that He wants to wash away. The Holy Spirit cried out to Him, in behalf of me, all those things that I could not express. What a great opportunity to feel the Holy Spirit praying for in my behalf!

And indeed, He revealed what He wanted to reveal to me: a past sin that I have long neglected—something I tried not to acknowledge, something I avoided, and to some extent, justified, something I tried my best to hid and cover. But my God is all-knowing. He wants to heal every rotten wound or scratch that was haphazardly bandaged by my own efforts, secretly hidden by my dirty clothes.  He wants to completely cleanse and own every inch of my body and soul. He aims to make me new every morning.

So, I confessed. I cried my heart out and asked Him to restore me once again to His saving grace. I asked Him to reconcile me to His throne through the saving sacrifice of His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ.

Oh, how the enemy tempted me! While my heart was crying out to God, the enemy was whispering lies to my mind—that I am unworthy to be God’s child, that I am too dirty to come to Him anymore, that I am hopeless, hated by God and can no longer be saved, blah, blah, blah…

But, once again, my God has proven Himself faithful, strong, unbeatable, and unshaken.

I had Jesus’ sweet peace before falling asleep. Then, I woke up early in the morning, praised God, did my prayer covenant with my Christian friend, and did healthy things for myself. I spent time with my cute three-week-old nephew. I was about to skip my devotion for fear of being late in the office but God was so good to remind me to prioritize Him in everything.

And now, I have no regrets of leaving our home 30 minutes later just so I can open my Bible and spend time with the Lord. An amazing story awaited me in the Book of Acts.

Just like the man crippled from birth at the temple gate called Beautiful, I can see myself rejoicing in the healing powers of my God Almighty. I know, with a sweet peace and a quiet confidence in my heart, that by faith in Jesus’ name, God is telling me that He has healed my spiritual wound and will heal my physical ailment. There is no longer condemnation because I have been forgiven. I no longer need to worry or suffer because He knows what He is doing and He will use my physical ailment to magnify His glory.

All these are possible by faith in Jesus’ name—that by His death and resurrection, we are given the grace to be saved, as what Peter told the people who were all astonished by what God did through him (Peter) to the crippled man at the temple gate. Later on in the following verses, Peter encouraged the people to repent and turn to God so that their sins may be wiped out and that times of refreshing may come from the Lord (vv. 17-20).

Indeed, by His grace, I am healed and refreshed! How great is our God!

As I am already healed, it is my prayer that the Lord will equip me to do His purposes for me. As I am refreshed, I should no longer look back at my past but look forward with thanksgiving and praise. Just as what Paul had written to the Philippians, I want to do one thing for Jesus: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, pressing on toward the goal of attaining the prize of eternal life in heaven in Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:13-14).

My heart and my spirit shout joyfully for the Lord, my God! May I continue to remember that my life operates by God’s grace alone and my responses should only be by faith in Jesus!

Here’s to a wonderful week walking closely with the Lord!