The Amazing Love

The whole world celebrates the Day of Love today. If you have read my Valentine's post last year, you might already know that my then-fiance-now-hubby, C,  and I never celebrated this particular holiday in our relationship. I enumerated my reasons and argued my points in there. But I did emphasize that I was not against anyone who chose to celebrate this holiday. To each his own, they say.

Photo credit: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/82683343132809532/

In fact, the afternoon after work that I wrote my post last year, C and I met with our youth group at a McDonald's in our area to discuss about God's true love. We had burgers, fries, and sundaes and our Bibles and for the first time in our lives, C got me some balloons and chocolates. :)) Awww.. That was sweet and extremely unexpected. :))

I don't know what his plans are for today. He just told me that we'll meet after work. All I know is that God knows that I love surprises and for the four months of being married, I am pretty sure He has allowed C to know that as well. (Thank you, Lord!)

Back to my convictions, I still believe in what I wrote last year. As long as we are grounded on the Truth, we are on the right track. As long as we do not allow the media and the business industry to blind us on what True Love is, then, there is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as we prioritize God, recognize Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and live under His will by His grace, then, there is nothing to be guilty about.

And oh, we should celebrate love not just today but all the days of our lives, with or without a partner. Remember, God has already demonstrated His Amazing Love to us, about 2,000 years ago. While we're still living in sin, He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to be a human being and to suffer the cross, to die a shameful death, and to illustrate a glorious Resurrection.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we're still sinners, Christ died for us. 
~(Romans 5:8)

And we have the assurance that if we truly accept and believe in our hearts that Jesus Christ is our personal Savior (meaning, He is the only means to our salvation), and confess that He is our Lord (meaning, He has the first and last say in all directions and decisions in our lives), we will have eternal life (meaning not that we will not die, but that we are promised of a life in heaven after our death).

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 
~(John 3:16)

And while we're at this, let me just say a love note to my husband of almost four months already:

My love... I am always awed at how our great Lord has equipped and enabled you to become a Godly man and a loving husband. We are both imperfect but your humility to owe up to your mistakes is always encouraging and your quickness to forgive is awe-inspiring. Long before you asked me to marry you, I knew that you love me just as the Lord has loved you unconditionally. Thank you for the sacrifices that you are making as my husband and the leader in our family--for those times that you would manually squeeze fresh ponkan juice every day and every night for me, everyday that you wake up early so you can help in the household chores, that night that you had to risk riding a habal-habal to reach me in talibon because I had high fever, those grueling days and nights that you brought me food, water, and meds while i was in solitary confinement for two weeks that I had c/pox, your loving massages when I was tired though I know you were also tired on your part...I can enumerate many more things and all these things always point out one thing: that yours is a sacrificial kind of love. Thank you for the love, forgiveness and grace to allow me to grow to a Godly, loving and submissive wife. May we continue to grow more in love with our King as we continue to minister to each other and others in need. I love you next to God and I pray that I will always love you the way He wants me to. <3  

Whatever happens...

I'm not really a US Masterchef big fan although I admit that I am one that I would like to call as a culinary junkie. I enjoy watching homecooks battling it out in the kitchen and I just love watching people cooking. (I try to apply what I have watched though in my limited resources and capabilities). I was more drawn to Masterchef Australia, but that's another story.

Anyhow, this week caught me with the c/pox virus so I had not much choice but to stay home. I found it as an amazing time to deepen my relationship with the Lord and at the same time, get my share of rest from all the traveling and the stress of hinterland work.

I also was able to catch up on some TV time and it was quite a welcome since I did not have much of the television for the five months of my hinterland duties. And so, it was in our very own sala and in our very own TV set that I get to watch the last few episodes of Masterchef US Season 4. Now, to start with, I have had a few re-runs of season 4 during the weekends or holiday that I am home and to be very honest, I did not quite like it. To begin with, there was a lot of bad-mouthing and pride and people fighting and calling each other names. I mean, that was just so unusual for a reality cooking show.

The Judges. Photo credit: http://awesomedl.ru/tag/masterchef-us/

Anyway, I am not going to write about the culinary masterpieces or critique about the show. Instead, I am going to write this very small albeit life-changing moment that happened during the semi-finals round--something so small and may be insignificant to others but something which has a profound effect on me.

You see, the semi-finals saw three of the best contestants left, namely: Luca, a restaurant manager from New York City but is actually Italian; Natasha, a stay-at-home mom from San Diego; and Jessie, a yacht stewardess from Georgia. Since Jessie won the previous challenge, she enjoyed the privilege of choosing her own "king" ingredient for her dish which was Kobe Beef. Natasha got the Alaskan King Crab while Luca got the king of cheeses and forgive me for forgetting the name. Afterall, I am no chef. :))

Masterchef US Season 4 Top 3: Natasha, Luca, Jesse.
Photo Credit: http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/2013/09/masterchef-season-4-finalists.html

So, I'll spare you the other details but what happened was while on the semi-finals round, Jessie forgot to get butter from the pantry for her Seared Kobe beef with Ponzu Butter. Since she won't be able to go back to the pantry, she asked for spare butter from Natasha who was on the kitchen counter behind her. It was an intense moment as Natasha paused and had a let-me-think-it-over look in her face. A part of me was already expecting that she was going to give at least one stick of the three butter sticks in her counter which were obviously just sitting there. I mean, come on, isn't it a girl thing to share? Although there was this small part of me which doubted that she would actually do that because I just had that gut feeling that she was being competitive. So, it wasn't really much of a surprise when she said "No." I kind of understood her because she was in a competition, after all, and that one stick of butter might be her loss.

What surprised me then was the gentleman in Luca who stepped up and threw a stick of butter to Jessie. And if that gesture alone was not enough, what he said during the interview is really something all of us should always consider. It goes something like this: "It was just one stick of butter so what's the big deal? And if I go home just because of that stick, then, at the very least, I can still look at the mirror tomorrow and say that I am still Luca." 

You know, not all of us would have that attitude. I cannot judge Natasha just because of that one act but really, just that one small act will have an impact to a person (and a lot of persons actually, counting the viewers from around the world) and will forever be associated with her. Luca did not care if that one stick of butter will make Jessie's dish a whole lot tastier than his and which in turn will earn him an elimination. He only cared that someone needs something and he actually has that capacity to help. 

This really made me think about my life. I am pretty sure that there were times that I was very hesitant to help others because of personal reasons or convictions. There were also several times that I did not do what I know I was supposed to do in the name of saving myself or for any amount of advantage to myself. 

And this brings me to the verse in Philippians which commands us to conduct ourselves worthy of the Good News, whatever happens. 

May we all learn from the simple act of kindness of Luca. Let us be like Christ...whatever happens. 

In the end, Jessie was eliminated and it was Natasha vs. Luca for the final round.
Photo credit: http://articles.latimes.com/2013/sep/12/news/la-st-masterchef-luca-natasha-20130912

And after serving a three-course meal of seared duck liver, short ribs,
and basil panna cotta with tomato jam, Luca wins the Master Chef title! Photo credit: http://www.ctv.ca/Masterchef/article/Natasha-vs-Luca-Who-won-the-MasterChef-finale

My Top 13 for 2013

I know. I've sort of lapsed out of this blog for a couple of months. I did introduce Wedding Wednesdays but did not actually commit to it. MY FAULT. I am so sorry {praying and believing I have and still have readers here}. Work and too many commitments and the planning of our wedding got the better of me. 2013 was an "all YES!" year for me, so...

I promised myself and to God that I'll cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships this new year, 2014, starting off with my relationship with the Lord. As such, I am starting this year with my first ever post (thanking the Lord Almighty for all that He has done last year) and praying and hoping and actually committing to be more intentional with this blog. After all, my prayer is that this blog will be an instrument of His love and hope to anyone who stumbles upon this. :)

So, here's my Top 13 for 2013! I started this "attitude of gratitude" last year, as inspired by one of the beautiful Christian women in the blogosphere. I have not met her (nor does she know that I exist) but her blog entries have made so many positive impacts in my life.

Anyway, here goes my Thanksgiving List:

1. Our Godly and evangelistic wedding.
In my last post for 2013, I did verbalize the need to pray that "God's glory and story will be our canopy" in the preparation and in the actual wedding. Well, guess what? HE did just that. And MORE. He used various individuals and groups in our church (family and personal friends as well) to bless us with our needs. My personal prayer really was for the guests to say that our wedding was different from the usual ones they have attended. And yes, somebody said that to me, three months after our wedding! :)

What makes me more amazed by our wedding is the fact that it was scheduled on October 19th, four days after the 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit my province of Bohol, causing severe loss and damage to several towns. But the Lord is just so amazing and so faithful that He won't let any earthquake of any magnitude or any aftershock of any magnitude ruin what He has already ordained! I am just so overwhelmed at how God provided everything--from providing us a new venue to setting the schedules and commitments of our suppliers, and the attendance of our guests (one of the towns most hit was my father's hometown but my aunties, uncles and cousins still graced the affair)!

2. A Christ-centered hubby whose boldness in the Lord inspires me! :)
The first time we met, I knew there was something special about him. I could not just pinpoint at that time. And no, I was not drawn to any of his physical attributes at that time. But the more I think of it now, I very well knew in my heart what it was that drew me to him and what it is that keeps our bond together: it is his inner glow that only a man fully given to Christ can ever have. The more the days I spend with him the more inspired I get to, by God's grace, strive to be like our Master.

3. Obedience to God's will for specific members in our church youth group.
I've had the privilege to go on individual "dates" with the girls to address some concerns on their crushes, boyfriends, and the like. And I praise God for the wisdom in all those times. Though I must emphasize that I am not perfect and I am pretty sure that there were also times that I did not quite know what to say. But God answered my prayers that these young ladies will seek His will and do what He commands in their personal lives. Hoooray for that!

4. The Lord's sustaining grace in my Talibon sojourn. 
Talibon is a town opposite of the city where I live and used to work. Three months before the wedding, when wedding preparations were at the busiest, I was asked to transfer to the District Office there and the obedient side of me said "Yes." (See, it was a year of "yes" for me!) I knew no one in there and I definitely had no idea what to expect. But the Lord was just so abundant and amazing with His grace for providing me a safe and clean apartment to stay, patience to deal with the clients (though at times I just felt like giving up), and most of all, the strength to survive land travel of three hours (a total of six hours) per week! To top it all, He even designed that my husband dear was also doing fieldwork in a nearby town for two days a week!

5. Much love and fun with my family and relatives.
Before the year ended, we had a mini-reunion and sportsfest in my father's side. My husband and I are still staying with my parents as we pray for our own space in the city. And I praise God for these opportunities to have fun and show love and be loved by our family and relatives!

6. My cutie-patootie nephew and niece!
Well, children are always blessings! My sister has a son and a daughter and both of them are so sweet and close to me, calling me their Auntita! The older baby boy is running three so he's starting to talk and he's just very witty. And recently, he's been talking a lot of English, thanks to Disney Junior, and we are always awed at how he can use the phrases in context! The younger baby girl is just so adorable with her sweet smile and doe eyes! They take the kapoy out of me!

So there goes six of my thirteen. I will be blogging seven more within this week, Lordwilling! God bless us all!

Thanksgiving Tuesday: New Depth of His Love, New Confidence and Security, and A Surpise Provision!

Praises to my King and Savior--Jesus Christ--who has graciously allowed me to experience a new depth of being loved by and being in love with Him. It is amazing how he is using my loneliness and pain to have greater joy and rejoicing in Him. Truly, only He can empty me so He may fill me with Himself.

In this season of seeking His will amid the loss and pain, I praise Him for bringing me closer and closer to Him. I praise and thank Him that He is my First Love, and He is my Only Judge. People may already have their own preconceived judgment and condemnation of what I said, decided, or did, but thank God, they are just people--fellow sinners needing God's grace just like me. Only the Lord Jesus sees my heart and He alone knows what's best for me.

I praise and thank Him for teaching me that my standard should only be His Word, the Bible. His Word is the light to my path and the lamp for my feet. People may give their advice, solicited or not, but I choose Jesus. I choose to honor Him. I choose to listen to Him alone and do what he says. I choose to obey His word, adding nothing or subtracting a zilch from it. I will accept His word and I will not bend it to serve my own pleasure or purpose.

In this season of lack, I praise Him for teaching me to depend upon Him for everything. And in this season of utter surprise, I praise Him for His downpour of provisions--something I did not expect. Just this morning, I was on the phone with a personnel from the Central Office and I was filled with inexpressible joy even when she broke the news I probably have to wait for August for my provisions. But lo and behold, by this afternoon, I received God's provisions. Indeed, I revel in the fact that He is my Great Provider and He alone knows best in when and how He will meet my needs.

For all these, I praise and thank God the Father of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Himself who is my Lord and Savior and His Holy Spirit within me, my constant Guide and Help and the Seal of my salvation.

I have my prayer requests and desires but I praise the Lord for giving me this peace to say: "Not my will, Lord, but Your will be done."

Just Like the Wind and the Waves

The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this?

 Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

~Matthew 8:27

The disciples terrified—scared to their wits and in a panic mode. Perhaps they were consumed with the thought of the smallness of their boat in the middle of the vast lake, rocked by the waves and tilted by the winds.

But out of their fear and worry, Jesus arose and demonstrated his majesty. Inside the small boat, the disciples came face to face with the incomparable greatness of their Master. Within their hearts and minds, Jesus challenged them to increase their faith. With just one word from His mouth, He showed to them his awesome authority that even the winds and waves obey him!

In my walk with the Lord this time, I had seen myself behave like the disciples—scared to my wits, in a panic mode, and very much terrified. Similar winds and waves of my insecure and self-centered nature are attacking my very heart and I, sinful as anyone, am at a loss to fight back. The waves have started to drown me; the winds have begun to overwhelm me.

My small boat is rocking and tilting and I was freaking out. I tried to control the situation on my own but the winds and waves became stronger and stronger. I wanted to give up, throw everything, and declare to the winds and waves that they have won the fight.

I did give up.

Not to the winds and waves, though but to my strong and mighty Savior. And it was by giving up that God took control of the situation. It was by letting go that He took over.

And once again, I can say that in His hands, I am always safe—perfectly safe.

If I rely on myself to tackle the winds and the waves, I will always fail. I am just so glad that I do not have to do it myself. In fact, I should not do it myself.

Because it is only through the supernatural enabling grace of Jesus Christ that I can have the exceedingly abundant life He promised.

And you know what? I want to be just like the winds and the waves. I want to obey and follow what Jesus wants me to do, immediately. I want my emotions and insecurities to bow down to the Lord…always…forever.

On my knees, trembling at the awesomeness of my Savior, ready to do His will—this is how I want to remain.

Stumbled Upon 2

Just as I am blessed and will continually be so, I pray that you will also be touched, amazed, and humbled down by Jesus in here and here, too.

I love a risen and living King!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! 

In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. 

This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

~1 Peter 1:3-5

Aren't you glad that we are loving and serving a risen and living King and Savior? 

I am. I really am. And I rejoice, shout, and leap for joy! Hallelujah to Jesus Christ, my Savior and King!

Thanksgiving Tuesday: Opportunities to Serve

Rain splattered hard on the van’s window and splashes of water rose up as we navigated a rough, asphalt road. Weather forecasts had been telling a really hot summer for our dear old country but for the time since summer has officially begun, it has always been like this: intense summer heat in one minute and cold hard rain in the next.

As I watched coconut trees and green fields, I was transported to another world, where traffic and decongestion do not exist. I felt far from the city yet I am just near; after all, we were in the next town from the city.

My concerns about legal opinions and pleadings had been temporarily removed and replaced by an excitement to see the kids and a protectiveness to keep the boxes in their right places. I spent a moment of prayer for protection and guidance to all of us and for God’s hands to work in the hearts of the kid-recipients and their families.

As we arrived in their almost-completed concrete church, the rain has gained a steady pour. We were greeted with the smiles of children and their mothers, all of them waiting patiently for us to distribute the Samaritan boxes. As names were called and a hundred boxes were distributed, I felt a sense of inexpressible joy and excitement of what the Father will do through the Samaritan boxes and a sense of thanksgiving for the opportunity to be a part of His ministry through His chosen children here on earth.

We spent a quick time to interact with the kids and headed back to the van again for the next church in the next town. My spirit was up though my body, battered by severe cough and colds the past days, was already screaming for food. I prayed for the sustaining grace of Jesus and focused instead on His work. And the ever-so-faithful Lord answered my prayer and after a hundred and forty boxes were distributed in such church, we headed back to the city and were generously treated for lunch.

Last night, as I was lying on my bed, I can feel my arms and back aching after carrying and piling those boxes without prior exercise (I’ve never been physically active but because my body is a temple of Christ, I am considering of going back to regular exercise again). I was tired and exhausted and I could feel the strain of being slightly drenched in the rain and sweat. But I praise and thank God to have been given a privilege to help in His ministry. It was both a privilege and an opportunity. And I am greatly reminded and blessed by the first verse from Psalm 115:

“Not to us, O Lord, not to us

but to Your name be the glory,

because of Your love and

faithfulness.”

On God's Purpose

I stumbled upon this site, on God's purpose, that is.

This is so timely.

Please click here to know more about the Greatest Love of All.

Be blessed! :-)

Even If He Does Not

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hands, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." ~Daniel 3:17-18

            There I was, garbed in my attempt to meet the standards of the requisite corporate attire as told to me before the interview, sitting in front of four distinguished lawyer-directors in that side of government. The conversation went well; my confidence level and positivity were up to the highest ante, my confidence in my self quite high. Everything went well except for one bluff that I uttered, triggering a series of difficult questions in the process. I did promise myself that whatever happens, I will never use any bluffing statement but there I was, speaking those words even before I could properly think.

            Though I made quite a blunder, the interviewees were quite kind. But my heart was already heavy with remorse, frustration, depression, and disappointment. How could I have done that? How could I have committed such serious mistakes in one of the most important interviews in my life?

            The typical defeated me cried, complained, and sulked. I was hot-headed, hating myself and hating the world even more. I questioned my King. How could have He just abandoned me like that? I felt sad and hopeless and my sinful stubborn self wanted to wallow in self-pity. 

            But my Lord is faithful even if, at times, I am not. I know that as a Christian, I should have taken a more pro-active role in combating sin and the temptation to sin. I am just extremely thankful that I can rely on my King to save me in the most distressful moments.

            Through a book and a friend, God rebuked my initial reaction and reminded me of who I was not and who He really is.

I am not perfect. I am bound to fail. I am not worthy. I am a sinner. Given the circumstances, I cannot do anything to make myself in a better position. But He is my Lord and King. He saves. He redeems. He is sovereign and in control of all things. His love is everlasting and He has my best interests in His big heart. He is the only One who can transform the most depressing situation to a beautiful one.

But even if He does not, who am I to protest? Does the creation have the right to question her Creator? Weren’t there too many times that He did not give me what I wanted, instead He gave me His best plan and everything went well? Weren’t there a lot of times that He humbled me down with His plans, as if to tell me, My child, My thoughts are not your thoughts; My ways not your ways?

So, I remember. I remember the time that He almost ruined (based on my own worldly standards) my plans of having a smooth, hassle-free, and luxurious pre-Bar review by bringing in the circumstance of my mom’s brain aneurysm a day after my graduation. I spent almost a month living, eating, drinking, and inhaling the intensive care unit (ICU) of the hospital. But He was always there—providing, comforting, gently loving. And everything went well. My mom is, by His grace, back to her normal lifestyle, working in her current job.

I remember those tough times at my non-airconditioned dormitory during the pre-Bar review, with all its inconveniences. But I was contented because He was always there, His new mercies abounding every morning. I remember the fact that I did not have much time to focus and study during my Pre-Bar review but He delivered me during the four Sundays of the Bar Exams. Most of all, He allowed me to pass, despite the slim chance I had, considering my circumstances by human standards.

I remember. And I resolve. I remember more and I resolve harder. I resolve to praise my King in times of abundance and want, sickness and health, successes and failures. I resolve to praise and honor Him even if He does not do what I expect Him to.

My favorite Bible story of all times since I became a Christian and gave my life to Jesus Christ is found in the Old Testament account of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego—all friends of Daniel—defying the King’s orders to bow down to another god and standing firm to their faith to the one true God. Sure, there are similar stories recorded in the Bible when it comes to defending the faith, but what sets this story apart for me is what the three friends said: But even if He does not…we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.

The three friends were fully aware of who their God is and what He is capable of doing. They knew fully well that their God can save them from the fiery furnace. They knew and they believed that God is able to deliver them from harm and keep His promises. But even if God did not, they had so much peace in their hearts to honor and please Him even in their last breaths.

So I pray that by His Spirit within me, my Savior and King—Jesus Christ—will enable me to be just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I confidently hope and pray that by His sustaining grace, I will continue to honor Him and please Him with everything that I do, say, feel, or act, whatever circumstances I am in.

And I rejoice because I know that I have a great King whom I can trust.

             

           

Praise Him…at all times

I will declare Your name to my brothers;

in the congregation I will praise You. ~Psalm 22:22

Yes. Right after writing my previous entry, I had this prompting to sincerely mean a prayer in my heart for a heart of thanksgiving and praise, no matter what the circumstances are. By His grace, I prayed that my heart will have nothing but praise and thanksgiving to the Lord, all the days of my life, all the times of these days.

For everything that comes to me happens by grace and my every response to it should be by faith in Jesus, it is only logical that I should be thanking and praising Him all the time. Because, indeed, by Jesus’ righteousness (not mine), I have been made and given better than I deserve. I read Psalm 22 and was completely moved by Jesus’ response: He was already beaten down and mocked in the cross, deserted by the Father to pay for human sin, yet, human as He was, He never lost His trust and praise for the Father.

You see, this is quite a challenge for me. Before I knew Christ and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior, I had always been a pessimist. I still am. But it is amazing to see God’s workmanship transforming me to be a reflector of His Son in His own perfect time!

The day I prayed this prayer, something bad happened. I was already aboard a public tricycle when I realized that I lost my coin purse. Actually, there was not much in it—just some bills and loose change but for all I cared, it was my hard-earned money. And now that I am working, every single peso counts. Besides, for a young professional like me who is still new in the business, that amount of money could have bought me a decent lunch.

I really thought that I only left it in the office but after going back, carefully searching the office, and trying to retrieve my steps for what seemed like a decade, I found nothing.

By His grace and provision, I was able to pay the driver my dues and arrive home safely. But the truth remains: my coin purse, containing my hard-earned money, was lost. I could have dropped it somewhere. I could have carelessly left in some place. Someone could have stolen it when I left the office unlocked for a very short while. Someone could have picked it up from me, without my knowledge. Nobody really knows.

Knowing myself, I knew that I could have thrown in my tantrums, hate the world, and once again, question God. I did have my emotional tantrums with my friend and prayer partner but never did I blame or question God. It was really amazing. I know it was not me; it was the Holy Spirit working in my heart. I had this sweet and calming peace, knowing that everything happens for a reason—not just anybody’s reason, but God’s.

It was most fulfilling to hear my heart and mind silently pray for whoever could have stolen or found it. I prayed that he or she would use the money wisely. I prayed that by the Father’s grace and perfect will, whoever that person is, he or she will come to have the true knowledge and sincere acceptance of Christ’s death and resurrection, and His Lordship over our lives. It is nice to know that I now have someone to pray for and if this someone has not yet accepted Jesus, then, it is a privilege to pray for him or her. It is even nicer to think that Lordwilling, this person will be an addition to God’s adopted children through Jesus. Oh, how the heavens will sing and rejoice for his or her soul!

And I am totally in awe at how God is working in my heart. I didn’t quite expect that He will already give me a challenge the day I prayed for a heart full of thanksgiving and praise, whatever the circumstances. And what’s more, He did not just give me a challenge; He equipped me to conquer such challenge. He really knows best. And I am just amazed.

Thank you, Jesus! You are awesome!  

Made New

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

It is no longer I but Jesus.

I was once an obsessive-compulsive individual, planning every tiny weeny detail of my life. I used to rely on my Plan A, or my back-up plans, B, C, D, or sometimes, even E and F.

I was once a control freak, doing my best to control every situation that comes my way. In fact, I tried to wield control over every person I meet.

                         

I was once concerned with how the world perceived me. I tried every effort to protect and preserve my reputation.

I was once a drama queen, wallowing in every ounce of pessimism in my mind. I loved the drama and all the attention I could get.

I was once a people pleaser, trying my very best to please both sides of the camp.

These are just a few of those attitudes I used to have. But something happened along the way when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and allowed His gracious Spirit to overwhelm me.

I am no longer obsessive-compulsive. I still plan, yes, but I am no longer consumed by the desire to make my plan work. My heart is now fully contented and at peace to pray, “Let Your will be done, Lord.”

I have totally accepted the fact that I have no control over my life or over other people’s lives. And yes, there is sweet peace in that acceptance. There is sweet peace in knowing that my indecisive, imperfect and messy self is not in control but I can entrust the totality of my life to a Perfect God.

My reputation by worldly standards concerns me no longer. My friends have called me weird; some people may not understand the decisions that I’ve made. It seems scary not to be accepted by the world but deep in my heart I know that I should only aim for Heavenly Applause. What is important now is how my Lord sees my heart.

I still have bouts with my drama queen self once in a while. I still struggle with pessimism and discouragement. But I have seen and am continuing to see the transformative power of my Lord with my own eyes. He is always there—rebuking, convicting, reminding, and gently purging my heart and mind of these poisons of the enemy.

I used to compromise just to please both sides of the camp. But ever so gently, by His grace, He made me aware of this mistake and taught me how to conquer this sin. Of course, there are still temptations that come but He is always faithful. And at times that I was defeated by my sinful self, His loving arms are always stretched ever so wide to welcome me again.

You see, I am not perfect. In fact, none of us is. I will only be perfect when the time comes that I, together with fellow believers, am glorified with Jesus in heaven. While here on earth, I will continue being a sinner. But because I accepted the free gift of salvation, the Holy Spirit is continuing His work of sanctification within me.

And His work within me is always amazing. I am overwhelmed by His grace. My unworthy self is made new by the death and resurrection of my Savior. I am not just being repaired. No. I am not just being refurbished.

I am made new. And this is the most amazing experience in my life.