My God is more than enough...

I've been feeling inadequate in everything--in my personal walk with the Lord, in my job, even in the ministry the Lord has blessed me.

I've been feeling extra low in spirit, always criticizing myself.

I've been feeling far away from the people I work with in the church and in the ministry and the more I think about it, the more I feel so alone and lonely.

I've been feeling a lot of weirdness, a scorched and parched desert of doubt as to whether in this ministry people like me or whether they secretly and silently wish I would just evaporate and move on to another ministry.

But because God loves me and He is perfect, he brought me to a river of refreshment and peace from His truth.

And I leave you all with this quote: "I might not be good enough, brave enough, profound enough. But the God who made me – He. is. enough." ~Lisa Jo

Thanksgiving Tuesday: New Depth of His Love, New Confidence and Security, and A Surpise Provision!

Praises to my King and Savior--Jesus Christ--who has graciously allowed me to experience a new depth of being loved by and being in love with Him. It is amazing how he is using my loneliness and pain to have greater joy and rejoicing in Him. Truly, only He can empty me so He may fill me with Himself.

In this season of seeking His will amid the loss and pain, I praise Him for bringing me closer and closer to Him. I praise and thank Him that He is my First Love, and He is my Only Judge. People may already have their own preconceived judgment and condemnation of what I said, decided, or did, but thank God, they are just people--fellow sinners needing God's grace just like me. Only the Lord Jesus sees my heart and He alone knows what's best for me.

I praise and thank Him for teaching me that my standard should only be His Word, the Bible. His Word is the light to my path and the lamp for my feet. People may give their advice, solicited or not, but I choose Jesus. I choose to honor Him. I choose to listen to Him alone and do what he says. I choose to obey His word, adding nothing or subtracting a zilch from it. I will accept His word and I will not bend it to serve my own pleasure or purpose.

In this season of lack, I praise Him for teaching me to depend upon Him for everything. And in this season of utter surprise, I praise Him for His downpour of provisions--something I did not expect. Just this morning, I was on the phone with a personnel from the Central Office and I was filled with inexpressible joy even when she broke the news I probably have to wait for August for my provisions. But lo and behold, by this afternoon, I received God's provisions. Indeed, I revel in the fact that He is my Great Provider and He alone knows best in when and how He will meet my needs.

For all these, I praise and thank God the Father of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Himself who is my Lord and Savior and His Holy Spirit within me, my constant Guide and Help and the Seal of my salvation.

I have my prayer requests and desires but I praise the Lord for giving me this peace to say: "Not my will, Lord, but Your will be done."

Lost

Yesterday was a mess. My human heart, deceitful as it is, caused me to feel a turmoil of emotions: rage,  hatred, insecurity, hurt, abandonment, and betrayal. I was defensive and guilty. I trusted my human emotions more than my God. And it was a big mistake.

Today, I am suffering the consequences. I am lost. I do not know what to do anymore. I have lost trust and confidence in people I used to trust and confide to. I am lost in my emotions, lost in my human self. But I know that the Lord has a reason for this. I know He is waiting for me to come to Him and show me the way. And though my heart is heavy and burdened, I choose to come to Him still. I know I have hurt Him and have denied Him of what was rightfully His (my trust, that is). I know I have disappointed my Lord for being so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires. I know I have sinned. But I still choose to come to Him, despite this nagging thought in my mind telling me I am no longer worthy of His presence for what I have done. I have sinned but the Lord is still waiting to welcome me back in His arms again.
 
"When the mask of self-righteousness has been torn from us and we stand stripped of all our accustomed defenses, we are candidates for God's generous grace." -E.W. Lutzer 


The quote above is from a friend's status in Facebook when I decided to go online this morning. And I know that the Lord wants to remind me with this. I may feel unworthy due to the accusations of the enemy but I am assured of Jesus Christ's sweet defense. Yes, He who died for me and my sins, and who was resurrected on the third day, is my defender. His blood and His perfect sacrifice cover all my sins--past, present, and future. I am worthy not because of my own righteousness but because of God's infinite grace. I now wear the righteousness of my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I am lost by human standards. But the King of all kings, Lord of all lords, God of all gods, has already found me. And nothing, not even the enemy, can separate me from His great love.