Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17
It is no longer I but Jesus.
I was once an obsessive-compulsive individual, planning every tiny weeny detail of my life. I used to rely on my Plan A, or my back-up plans, B, C, D, or sometimes, even E and F.
I was once a control freak, doing my best to control every situation that comes my way. In fact, I tried to wield control over every person I meet.
I was once concerned with how the world perceived me. I tried every effort to protect and preserve my reputation.
I was once a drama queen, wallowing in every ounce of pessimism in my mind. I loved the drama and all the attention I could get.
I was once a people pleaser, trying my very best to please both sides of the camp.
These are just a few of those attitudes I used to have. But something happened along the way when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and allowed His gracious Spirit to overwhelm me.
I am no longer obsessive-compulsive. I still plan, yes, but I am no longer consumed by the desire to make my plan work. My heart is now fully contented and at peace to pray, “Let Your will be done, Lord.”
I have totally accepted the fact that I have no control over my life or over other people’s lives. And yes, there is sweet peace in that acceptance. There is sweet peace in knowing that my indecisive, imperfect and messy self is not in control but I can entrust the totality of my life to a Perfect God.
My reputation by worldly standards concerns me no longer. My friends have called me weird; some people may not understand the decisions that I’ve made. It seems scary not to be accepted by the world but deep in my heart I know that I should only aim for Heavenly Applause. What is important now is how my Lord sees my heart.
I still have bouts with my drama queen self once in a while. I still struggle with pessimism and discouragement. But I have seen and am continuing to see the transformative power of my Lord with my own eyes. He is always there—rebuking, convicting, reminding, and gently purging my heart and mind of these poisons of the enemy.
I used to compromise just to please both sides of the camp. But ever so gently, by His grace, He made me aware of this mistake and taught me how to conquer this sin. Of course, there are still temptations that come but He is always faithful. And at times that I was defeated by my sinful self, His loving arms are always stretched ever so wide to welcome me again.
You see, I am not perfect. In fact, none of us is. I will only be perfect when the time comes that I, together with fellow believers, am glorified with Jesus in heaven. While here on earth, I will continue being a sinner. But because I accepted the free gift of salvation, the Holy Spirit is continuing His work of sanctification within me.
And His work within me is always amazing. I am overwhelmed by His grace. My unworthy self is made new by the death and resurrection of my Savior. I am not just being repaired. No. I am not just being refurbished.
I am made new. And this is the most amazing experience in my life.