Friday, October 28, 2011


Yesterday was a mess. My human heart, deceitful as it is, caused me to feel a turmoil of emotions: rage,  hatred, insecurity, hurt, abandonment, and betrayal. I was defensive and guilty. I trusted my human emotions more than my God. And it was a big mistake.

Today, I am suffering the consequences. I am lost. I do not know what to do anymore. I have lost trust and confidence in people I used to trust and confide to. I am lost in my emotions, lost in my human self. But I know that the Lord has a reason for this. I know He is waiting for me to come to Him and show me the way. And though my heart is heavy and burdened, I choose to come to Him still. I know I have hurt Him and have denied Him of what was rightfully His (my trust, that is). I know I have disappointed my Lord for being so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires. I know I have sinned. But I still choose to come to Him, despite this nagging thought in my mind telling me I am no longer worthy of His presence for what I have done. I have sinned but the Lord is still waiting to welcome me back in His arms again.
"When the mask of self-righteousness has been torn from us and we stand stripped of all our accustomed defenses, we are candidates for God's generous grace." -E.W. Lutzer 

The quote above is from a friend's status in Facebook when I decided to go online this morning. And I know that the Lord wants to remind me with this. I may feel unworthy due to the accusations of the enemy but I am assured of Jesus Christ's sweet defense. Yes, He who died for me and my sins, and who was resurrected on the third day, is my defender. His blood and His perfect sacrifice cover all my sins--past, present, and future. I am worthy not because of my own righteousness but because of God's infinite grace. I now wear the righteousness of my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I am lost by human standards. But the King of all kings, Lord of all lords, God of all gods, has already found me. And nothing, not even the enemy, can separate me from His great love.