No Longer I

            The apostle Paul eloquently said: “It is no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me.”

            I want to say this too! Not in a whisper, not by my deathbed, not in hopelessness or in desperation, no, I want to say this in a victorious, happy, and rejoicing way, just as God had intended me to be. I want to say this not just once or twice but I want to say this in every moment of my life, in every area of my Christianity, in every square inch of my flesh.

            I am dead. My old self is gone. My old patterns of living have long been buried just as Jesus Christ died, was buried, and has defeated the enemy. I am clothed in new garments, not my own but that of Jesus Christ just as He was resurrected on the third day. God has purchased me from my reckless, imprudent, and sinful nature by the blood and body of Jesus Christ. His love covers all of my sins!

            But why do I live in defeat? Why do I keep on giving in to my temper, to my negative thoughts, to my guilt? Why do I always care about me and myself and constantly wallow in self-pity, self-righteousness, self-centeredness, and all other methods of self-promotion?

            Because, I, just like the Israelites, is a forgetful person. I easily forget what Christ has done for me. I easily forget His mercy, His grace for which I am undeserving. I easily forget His power and His forgiveness. I am too preoccupied with self because I forget that there, in all His valor and majesty, my God is much, much greater than me.

            Eric Ludy wrote that when he compares himself to God, he always feels like a can of Diet Coke next to the highest building in the world. This is so true. But I always forget about this. Too many times in my life I felt like I am the Petronas Tower and God is a four-storey building. How wretched I am to ever think of this!

            And so, I am easily broken down when the enemy attacks. When it comes to temper and negative thoughts, I would easily yield to self rather than to Christ. In this area of my life, I am always vulnerable to defeat. And though this is not something to be proud of, I must admit that this has been my struggle for almost three years already.

            I need help. I need God’s help. I need the supernatural, extraordinary power of Jesus Christ to fill in the gaps. I want to rise above my own mediocre version of Christianity. I need the mighty valor of Jesus to rescue me and to rebuild the walls of fortification around my life, His Jerusalem.

I want to yield every square inch of my body to my King. I am His Kingdom and I know that He yearns to govern all aspects of my life.

Yet, I cannot do this on my own. I need Jesus Christ and He alone can rescue me out of this pit and make something beautiful out of this mess.

So, today and onwards, I embark on this journey to reclaim Jebus for my King and allow Him to transform it to Jerusalem. Today, by His grace, I will start remembering that it is no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me.

I want not just to know this in my mind or in my heart but to actually live this out in my life. I desire to make my King my all in all and in turn, give my all in all for Him.

So, I embark on this journey of wrestling prayer, asking the King of all kings, the Most High God, to enable me and equip me to do this. I will pray continually, relentlessly, unceasingly until my King reclaims this parcel of my life. I will not stop until by His grace, I am fully yielded to Christ and until the protestation of my self have been silenced.

Everything works for the good of those who believe in Him. I know this is possible by His grace. Only by His grace. Will you pray for me and with me, then?